So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
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