She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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