im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
There r osticjed everywhere
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
