Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
