i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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