I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
