I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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