You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
