my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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