i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
