I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
