Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
