My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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