did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
