Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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