can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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