I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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