So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
