in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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