eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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