Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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