guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
