mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
