i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
