So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
