OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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