question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
