Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
