I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
