Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
