You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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