You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
You can't special order awesome
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
