If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
