every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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