i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
