yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
