he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
