It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
