I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
