anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
