So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Randomize
