I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
