NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
