last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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