I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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