I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
