worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
