all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
