Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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