Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
